d&dRant – A Somewhat Angry Rant/Tangent About Why I Left My Group

“Are you coming?”


“I didn’t think you were seeing as how you abandoned us after we went through all that trouble to rescue you.”

Interesting choice of words; more on that later. That was said to me at the conclusion of a quest line; one of the party had died and I was blamed for it.

So you guys have some context, I’m going to long story short the plot; we were “The Heroes of the Resistance”, leading the fight against the Directorate, based off of/inspired by Nazi Germany. The tieflings, tired of being treated like second class citizens, turned around and became the oppressors. We were trying to stop them from taking over the world.

Jumping to what lead to the incident mentioned above; we were sent undercover into Directorate territory to uncover why Resistance agents were disappearing. Long story short, underground fight club, which was being organized by the nobles of the city. It was also being used by the Directorate to find exceptional individuals they could experiment on so as to turn them into weapons and/or replicate their abilities so be turned into weapons. It also earned them money because they were betting on the fights. The nobles had formed their own fighting teams, and people were being purchased.

Our cover (this time) was the drow elf bard, whose player will be called A, was passing themselves off as a member of a prominent noble family, my storm barbarian, halfling named Anja was the bodyguard, the half-orc ranger/fighter, R, was made to look aged and played the butler. The others, D, the human, hexblade warlock/something else, T, the dwarven war cleric, J, the aasimar paladin, and N, the human arcane trickster/wizard(?) were undercover as mercenaries. We re-entered the city using different entrances and met up later, where A bought them for their fight club team.

Major Katerina, one of the main antagonists, was the leader of a team called Squad Black (The Heroes of the Directorate); the other members were a bard named Puk and, I’m guessing, an artificer named Obscure. Katerina was very interested in Anja because of her lightning abilities and because of a homebrew axe, which she earned from a creature akin to a diety. If Feeblemind was cast upon her, and she fails the intelligence save, to put it mildly, she goes berserk. The capabilities of her axe are fully unlocked. People kept asking for Anja to be on their team. She was also interested in D’s character, who had the ability to travel through shadows, and she was dead set on finding out who his patron was.

Anja later lost a fight she shouldn’t have (the DM and I have agreed to disagree (further discussed by another player, who we will call D, who said the entire fight confused them)) and Anja was kidnapped. Fine, not fine. Bullshit. Moving forward.

Prior to the kidnapping, there was a Winner’s Party held for those who had won their fights the night before. Anja was there. Katerina asked A if they could have Anja’s body should she fall in the next fight. My immediate response was, “Cremate me,” which I know they heard because the DM and A looked at me in unison. A’s response?

“Oh, yeah, provided I can watch!”
Katerina: “We’ll see, should she fall.”

Why did I not lose my shit? Because of the “provided I can watch”; I knew where they were going with that.

After Anja loses and gets kidnapped, what did the team decide to do? Cut their losses. Now, I’ll give credit where credit is due; N, at least, made an attempt to get into the room where Anja was being held, D asked around, after their fight, where Anja might have been taken and R, playing N’s character during another session because N couldn’t make it, asked the Thieves’ Guild to look into where the bodies of the fallen were taken, which R informed N of.

They all forgot. They forgot about the Thieves’ Guild. They forgot about, “provided I can watch”. And, even if the DM did remember, would they have said anything? And they “cut their losses” because they couldn’t think of a way to do so without blowing their cover.

A was playing a member of one of the biggest donators to the Directorate’s cause; they probably could have asked, “I came to the city with a personal bodyguard. While the rest of the team has been accommodating, they can be easily persuaded. It would be very much appreciated if my loyal guard was returned.”

If that didn’t work, “You’re not going to give back my guard? That’s fine. I hope you didn’t bet any money on the people I bought because they’re not fighting until I get back the one I brought.”

And if that didn’t work, “I wonder how my father will feel about how I’ve been treated; he’s only a Sending spell away.”

Wanna guess when I thought of that? Right after they mentioned not being able to rescue Anja without blowing their covers. A, when they got the opportunity to speak to Katerina, didn’t even ask for Anja back. No attempt was made thereafter to locate her. They had a day and a half, in-game time, where Anja wasn’t moving; plenty of time to try something. They didn’t.

Why didn’t I suggest what I mentioned above? Because of what I felt, and still feel, to be a stupid rule; if your character’s not in the room, you shouldn’t be talking.

Because of something the scientists implanted inside Anja, at the end of the day and a half, she turned into a hideous creature and broke out, slaughtering everyone in the building. Alongside our main lead to the citadel where the Directorate was doing most of their experiments. Yep; it wasn’t just my character that was abandoned, it was also the main spy we were trying to locate, (she was wanted by the Directorate as well because there aren’t a lot of druids in this world).

The rest of the party was enjoying the life of the nobility, betting on the fights, and orchestrating pit fights after the main event to earn more gold at the expense of not only the life of my character but also that of our main lead.

Our lead, a tiefling named Valda, and Anja eventually came to their senses and Anja found her axe was nowhere in sight. Not wanting the enemy to unlock its secrets, she went back to see about retrieving it, or, at the very least, see where it was (and also to test out her new form since the first attempt was denied via Valda turning into a giant bird and carrying Anja away). Anja was caught again. After another day of being in one place, with the rest of the party continuing to do nothing, Anja was taken to the citadel.

Fast forward, the group makes it to the citadel. Obscure ran the citadel and, to him, Anja was the favorite. Her many escape attempts were making it difficult for him to experiment on her. When the group finally rescued her, which would allow me to speak, they ignored me.

I felt the entire thing was too easy. Yeah, the enemies were interesting, but, for a main base, the entirety of the exploration wasn’t as eventful as I would expect it to be. I also thought the entire thing was a trap.

How did I come to that conclusion? During one of Anja’s escape attempts, a man, and Resistance spy, named Arthur waited until AFTER Anja had popped off one of the metal bars holding her down to tell her a patrol was coming. When Anja was rescued, he was in the cell right next to her. Later, after some exploration, we came across a woman named Mia, who was a high ranking official in the Directorate, until she decided to try and free some prisoners. She knew the layout of the citadel and was willing to lead us the rest of the way through it. And Arthur didn’t complain at all about us suddenly deciding to trust her. In fact, he left us with her to see about helping Valda get the rest of the prisoners out of the citadel. Why would Puk care about leaving us with Katerina?

Another reason why I was suspicious was because, while we were exploring, looking for the generator room and a way to get in to blow up the citadel, we ran into people and creatures who either dealt lightning or psychic damage. For those of you who do not understand the significance of this, my barbarian took the Path of the Storm Herald, her focus being on the sea; she has resistance to lightning and, if anyone is standing in her aura, she can shoot lighting at them as a bonus action. In addition, anyone she chooses, who is standing in her aura, share in her lightning resistance. And, being a barbarian, the likelihood of her rolling an intelligence save high enough to resist a psychic attack was slim.

If you’re clever, and you have someone who you want to know exactly what it is they are capable of, but they keep escaping their bonds making the usual experimentation methods impossible, what would you do? My many attempts to point out my suspicions were met with bulldozers; they talked over me and kept moving.

When we finally got to the generator room, I was expecting Arthur to dramatically come up behind us with Valda and throw her into the room as he revealed himself as Puk. I was expecting Mia to drop her disguise and hit us with some sort of magic attack. And I was expecting Obscure to be chilling in the room, waiting for his “favorite” to arrive. To both my shock and relief, they were all in the room, standing on a lift waiting to take them to the top of the citadel. But what if I had been right?

And, at the end of this event, is where the remark from the beginning comes into play. Puk pulled us into another dimension, or plane of existence; we didn’t really know, which was to act as his lair. Him being a bard, his lair was a theatre. Those who weren’t sucked into his “performance”, literally, fought against puppet minions. But it was one of Puk’s abilities that put everyone, especially Anja, in hot water.

Puk had the ability to confuse people, which Anja, not having a high enough charisma save, was susceptible to. After the puppet minions were dispatched, because of the confusion, Anja spent most of the fight either spinning in circles/standing in one spot or running off in random directions. One time, she was supposed to attack the closest person to her; thankfully, there was no one around. Puk, at one point, also made it so, in order to attack him, you had to make a charisma save. The only reason why Anja was able to break out of the confusion, towards the end of the fight, was because she was close enough to J’s paladin to be able to utilize the +6 boost to her saving throws. And that was the only reason; she wouldn’t have been able to make it without it. If she was outside the aura, I didn’t bother rolling; with the aura, she had to roll a 17 or higher to make it.

A made the fight easier and more difficult at the same time by shutting down the lair; Puk couldn’t do any more of his lair actions, but it was completely dark. Because of Anja’s new form, she had heat vision, not that she was able to use it. After she FINALLY broke out, Anja stayed out of range of Puk’s confusion ability. The last thing I wanted to happen was for her to join the fray, get confused again, and accidentally hit a party member; the paladin, to be more specific. I, eventually, eased Anja a little closer, ready to charge in, because of how many hits J had taken, but I didn’t realize I had left Jay’s aura. Puk got EVERYONE with the next confusion blast, then killed J.

After that, ALL the creative thinking was used to save the paladin. T broke out of the confusion and cast Spare the Dying to bring the paladin back to life. When resurrecting someone, because we are heading into epic levels, the DM used a table. You roll a percentile and the spell either works, doesn’t work, or the soul is destroyed. J rolled the percentile; soul destroyed. Or, it should have been, but the DM let A cast Soul Cage to save the soul, after being allowed to break out of the confusion. After D killed Puk, they scrambled around, gathering the body and the stone for the golem J had summoned. Mia had been rigging the generators to blow via detonator in our absence.

We got to the top of the citadel and found an airship.

R: “I didn’t think you were [coming] seeing as how you abandoned us after we went through all that trouble to rescue you.”

No one even bothered to ask me why I did what I did. A and T proceeded to jump down my throat along with R. A said, “You could have been in there soaking up damage.”

Excuse me?

At no point did A give a barding inspiration to those who were struggling against Puk’s confusion ability, nor did they do any damage to Puk.
At no point did J tell anyone they needed to be healed.
At no point did T, who was standing near J the entire damn fight, take the initiative and try to heal J.
N didn’t have to stop sneak attacking and run off to where A was, doing nothing.
D was dropping Puk’s props on top of us; they could have been fighting alongside J or sneak attacking along with N.
R wasn’t doing jack shit! In fact, I saved R’s ass by keeping Puk’s puppets off them while they were one.

And the only way for Anja to be able to “soak up damage” would be for the DM to decide to hit her and that would require her to be considered a threat. How was that supposed to happen with her spinning around in circles and running off in random directions?

J, N, and D didn’t say anything. The DM told me much later they had a conversation with R because of a snide comment they made (which I didn’t hear). But what really pissed me off about the whole thing? I didn’t know what it was until the next evening; I had been fuming, and then it clicked.

Where was the animosity towards A when they did absolutely NOTHING to help my previous character, Ria, before N blew her up?

Context: we were flying on an airship to a city to resupply. Some of the party went to get a drink at a tavern/inn, A and J went to go see Valda, D stayed on the ship, Ria, my aarakocra monk, noticed the mages’ tower in the city was no longer floating, so she flew over to investigate. Hell broke loose after that, not that Ria noticed because I kept failing her perception checks.

Everyone in the city had been turned into zombie-like creatures by a giant tar monster with only a mask for a face. THAT Ria did notice because it was hiding in the mages’ tower and it tried to grab her. Ria flew away from it, to discover it too could fly. It chased her, eventually swallowed her, and tried to turn her.

Fast-forwarding for everyone else, D was flying around in the airship looking for the rest of us; T, N, and R were riding on a giant ram through the city while being chased by World War Z, zombie-like beings, J was able to fly to T, N, and R on a rooftop. A was riding a giant owl, watching everything unfold.

A watched as Ria lead the tar monster away from them (Ria’s bond was to treat her friends like puppies).
A watched as Ria got a sudden burst of speed from her magic item, but the blob caught up.
A watched it fly up on Ria and swallow her.
A did nothing but watch.

D got the airship to hover above the rooftop everyone else was on, got the ladders down, and helped everyone up. A, eventually, landed on the airship. J asked where Ria was and A said in the monster. Everyone else was still climbing up the ladder. J told everyone they needed to attack the monster, and N went below deck and ordered the cannons on the airship to be fired. It was at that point we were advised this was a battle airship.

Why am I not angry at N? Because their character had no idea Ria was in the monster. It’s not like A told them while flying around them. It’s not like A (or J for that matter) shouted it while the others were climbing up the ladder. No; A waited until someone ASKED. That’s why I had to create Anja, by the way.

A could have flown within 60 feet to give Ria a bardic.
A could have flown within range of any of their damage-dealing spells and helped out; the blob was hovering in place after it swallowed Ria.
A could have gotten T closer to cast Healing Word; I also think A could have, too, if memory serves me correctly.

Why did no one jump down A’s throat for doing nothing? Or did they not give a flying fuck?

“I didn’t think you were [coming] seeing as how you abandoned us after we went through all that trouble to rescue you.”

Anja left the team not too long after J’s paladin was resurrected, to my dismay. After watching how everyone scrambled to save J, one plus one equals two. THAT statement meant her rescue, which A, ultimately caused the necessity of, which they forgot about, was seen as an obligation. Thinking back, I should have left then, too, but I made another character instead.

Had they rescued her right after she was taken, like they should’ve, they wouldn’t’ve had to go through all that extra work at the citadel, now would they?

Had N and J not been orchestrating pit fights after the main event, and focused that energy on looking for Anja, what would have happened?

Had A fucking ASKED Katerina for Anja back, with her +17 to Persuasion, what would have happened?

Anja was in one spot for a day and a half, with their main lead to the citadel, but, apparently, getting more gold was more important. Literally. N spent almost half a session looking for all the gold used in the betting INSTEAD of looking for a missing comrade.

Everyone forgot their hand in creating the necessity of Anja needing to be rescued. And I got ALL the blame for J’s character dying.

None of them asked why I had Anja “do nothing”, as T put it, during the fight against Puk and none of them ever asked me why I left the group. Only D said to me they were sorry I left the group and they risked being late to work to do it.

There were many other reasons why I left the group, but this situation was the main catalyst. Another reason being I didn’t feel wanted in the group. So I have to wonder what the obligation was; rescuing Anja or tolerating my presence at the table? If it’s the latter, what did I do to deserve that?

20150724-0725- Question

Friday [18:32]

New journal. First page was a pain in the ass. Got the date and time on it for my own personal notation… What I find amusing is the fact that I am using it to write down my Academic Transcript from college.

Saturday   [16:00]

I might be moving to Arizona…? Dad has another Country Club opportunity and seeing as how I, once again, have nothing, I’ll probably have to go with him. If he makes the decision to go. We just moved here and we are talking about moving again.

I’ve been trying to get my book published, but I keep running into dead ends. “Words are but pictures of our thoughts,” John Dryden once said and, right now, my thoughts are manic. I don’t know what to do or where to go. My closest friend is an hour’s walk away. People are trying to recruit members of the Alliance so as to break it down. My bank account is in the negative because I didn’t cancel the last student loan payment soon enough, so my dad has to continue paying for everything. The manager at the job I supposedly got hasn’t called me back with the training schedule. My final pay check didn’t come in from my previous job and I lost my login to be able to check if I am going to GET another. I asked the manager about it and didn’t hear back. I may have to go with dad to work and walk over so as to see what’s up with the training.

On the upside, these banquet meals have coupons in some of the boxes and I saw a think on the Rachael show about smart shopping. A woman working full time still needs food stamps to feed her kids, but $267 a month is gone quickly. And she can only afford junk. SO, she was shown how to smart shop for healthy foods and only spent $61.50ish on healthier foods for her family using the deals the store provided. That’s amazing! I told dad about it. He showed interest. I’m gonna see about applying it.

Dad, sis and I saw HOME today. It was funnier than I thought it would be. And the three tickets only cost $12. We snuck in candy, but we bought, dad bought, popcorn there. Rihanna’s songs were played all throughout the movie and they made it fit quite nicely! Wouldn’t mind watching that one again. When I’m not playing Bakery Story. Add me: MonriaTitans! 😛

THAT GAME IS SO ADDICTING! I love and HATE my aunt for introducing it to me! I also learned today that her son is my second cousin, aunt being my grand-aunt. And my cousin’s daughter is my first cousin once removed. Why is she removed? What does “removed” even mean in that sense, anyway? And why must we name everything?


Why are people so fixated on cars? Why doesn’t anyone wanna walk anywhere or take the bus? Why don’t they have bike roads in every state so they can ride on the road without worrying about potentially getting hit? Why are bicycles considered “vehicles”, anyway? Why is there something “wrong with you” if you don’t have a licence or just plain don’t want one? Why do people judge to begin with? Why are there racists, sexists, narcissists and assholes in the world? Why can’t we just accept that not everyone is exactly the same? Why are there people who thing we should all be exactly alike? The only thing we should all be agreeing on is the fact we are human beings and should all be treated with dignity and respect. Equally. We should not be accepting “because you are a woman” or “because you are a man” as reasons to NOT be allowed to do something.

Wanna wear a dress? Go ahead.
Wanna wear high heels? Go ahead.
Wanna be the CEO of a company? Go ahead.

Problem is, people are biased. If a dude is a dick, he’s called a good leader. If a chick tries that, she’s a bitch. She needs to be “nicer”. Fuck you. How about guys get their heads out of their asses and accept the fact that woman can lead and women stop tearing each other down. Girls. Girls need to stop tearing each other down. Women build each other up. Boys are dogs. Men are what women are supposed to be looking for.

I need to start making videos and putting them on YouTube. Again. When I was at mom’s house, it was easier. More privacy. Here… it’s possible, but limited time. I’m too used to having a crappy computer. I need to remember [16:59] I have a laptop with working sound, now. Need to NOT break my headphones with a mike. Could be an issue. I’ll need to make the videos when my dad does NOT have a day off, preferably. Don’t need him interrupting me. Should I sing or talk? Both, perhaps?

Should I start with a review, perhaps? Or should my first video be random. I like random. Rehearsing something would get boring after a while, which would then cause me to start forgetting. I tend to do my best work on the fly, I’ve noticed.

I write journal entries on impulse. I find that amusing. I tend to find everything amusing, until it bores me. Now I have a block…



Bored. Tired. Tired of not getting anywhere. Tired of being nagged like that’s supposed to help.


I wish it wasn’t so hot out. I’d go for a walk. Take the dog, too. Walking my resume to different places seems too desperate. Don’t wanna come off that way.

20150721- Tuesday

Tuesday [14:08]

My father’s solution to my “doing nothing” is to drag me to work with him everyday. He was mad that I “wasn’t producing results”. So… the fact that someone messaged me via peoplematter.com a couple days after posting the profile isn’t a result?

Yesterday, day admitted (finally) that he and my mother are also to blame. He said he should have asked me what I wanted to do with my life. Problem – I wanna do whatever I wanna do, just not at someone else’s expense. I don’t wanna have a job where my health is in jeopardy or where I have to jeopardize my own health in order to keep the job. I wanna work from home so I don’t have to be bothered by people. I want a job where, if I wanna take a break, it doesn’t matter. I also don’t want a job where I am in the spotlight because I don’t want the media up my ass. I want to be appreciated, but not needed. I want to have the option to lead, not be forced into it.

Thing with all that is, if I ever did become famous, I’d just wear the same thing every day whenever I went out because then any pictures taken would be useless. 😛

I want to be a jack-of-all-trades. Even if I have to go back to school to do it. Full Sail sends you a Mac when you’re accepted with all the programs you’ll need on it, I just need to pick an online program. Going to school, at this point, would be a bad time, despite the temptation. I was leaning towards Game Design and/or Animation, but I wanna see what other art programs they have. Because Computer Animation is EQUALLY as tempting! After I saw The Making of Frozen, I became enthralled! I don’t remember if Full Sail had an online program for that, though. But Art is something I can freelance. I don’t HAVE to work at a company.

I found out recently that there are questions that cannot be asked in an interview, which I found QUITE interesting. Anything that is trying to ascertain my sexual orientation, marital status, age or arrest record is illegal. “When did you graduate?” Illegal, because they can use that to figure out how old you are, so I took that off my resumé. I also made it a little funnier.

The guy I’m supposed to be interviewing with today seems nice. I know this because I stopped by there yesterday and I was asked if I could come back today. I sent them a message saying I could be there yesterday, but they didn’t get it. Walked there from my dad’s job. If he’s going to drag me to work every day, I will make it work to my advantage.


Dad’s been nagging me about getting my license as well. Why? Because I am “limiting” myself. And having a car will grant me more freedom.

No, it won’t.

Gas money, auto repairs, insurance, people asking me to go out and get shit. NO THANKS! I’d rather learn the bus system. Now I just need someone to teach me because the last time I looked it up and tried to teach myself, it confused the shit out of me. Those websites need to be more clear. I’ll look when I get back from the interview to see if they’ve fixed it.



That year and a half at my previous restaurant establishment came in handy. The manager said he would call me with the training schedule. I am eligible for the cashier, server and bartender positions. The serving position concerns me because it is $2.13 an hour. My entire life is dependent upon tops.

On other news, my aunt got me addicted to another game. Baking Story. I’d be angry if it wasn’t so damn fun!

I, also, can’t wait for Friday! My final paycheck is going to come through. If I don’t get it, I shall be calling them. Kinda need it. I didn’t tell the bank soon enough to stop sending student loan payments and I am now overdrawn. And the bank didn’t tell me. If I hadn’t checked today, I would have carried on thinking I had another $50 and some change in the bank. Oddly enough, I wasn’t so angry about the situation as I probably should have been.

I “discovered” Sir Ken Robinson yesterday. Or was it the day before… anyway, he specializes on education and he has been summing up everything I have been thinking about our education system. [19:01] He expands on why they suck. He said something HYSTERICAL in one of his videos;

20150518 and 0601- Pitying Isaac and more questions…


20150518 [13:53] Monday

I can relate to Isaac. I went to school wanting to be a writer and that hasn’t happened in the getting my book published sense. Starting a blog… or four seemed like the next best thing. I must say, it has been interesting. My laptop crashing threw me off course, so I read or played video games when I wasn’t working. Isaac is actually a relatable character for people who want to follow their dreams but keep getting denied. He basically embodies the lengths people would go in order to obtain their life goal. Or, in this case, their happy ending. Which is why he and Rumple got along… well enough. Isaac became a “villian” when he started to see everyone as characters to be manipulated instead of people with thoughts, feelings and desires. Rejection can drive people to do ridiculous things because the rejection makes them desperate.

20150601 [15:51] Monday

I’ve been doing some reading, and working, since I last wrote and I read some quotes that fit OUAT and Isaac specifically.

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart. -Goethe

It fits Rumple, too. All of his and Isaac’s pent up rage and desperation twisted how they looked at the world and its people to the point where all they saw was ants. Ants and characters in a story. Rumple sees a bunch of people he can step on while Isaac sees everyone as a “character”, proven by his conversation with Regina. He even called HER a character at one point. By doing that, he allowed for some distance between him and everyone else, which made it easier for him to write Heroes and Villians. No… that’s not right. BECAUSE of the disconnect, he lacked empathy. They weren’t people to Isaac, just characters to manipulate in a story. Writing Heroes and Villians was NOTHING to Isaac. Just like killing somebody is NOTHING to Rumple. I think they were twins or something in another life. Clones. Isaac and Rumple could be best friends… close friends if they’d lower their walls. Too bad they’re not capable of that anymore.

Monsters are real and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us. And, sometimes, they win. -Stephen King

Rumple, somehow, fell to a lust for power. And, now that we know the Dark One is a seperate entity, we know it was taking over. Rumple being power mad, for whatever reason, made the eventual takeover easier. Belle coming along merely delayed the inevitable. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe it was the Dark One that was power mad… and he was letting Rumple believe him searching for his son justified it.


Wait… I was talking about Isaac. Well, kinda hard for me to NOT make the parallel. They’re so much alike, he and Rumple, it’s kinda astounding. The only difference, personality wise, is the fact that one is more willing to kill than the other. Now, Isaac may have left Henry to be killed by the ogre, but he didn’t actually do it himself. He doesn’t have it in him. Thankfully. He would rather just manipulate a situation or someone so that they’ll do the dirty work. “Evil” Snow, “good” Rumple. A bit of a sadist, really. Has fun watching people deal with the pain he caused. He sent Lily away because it made for a “better story”. Thankfully, the Apprentice had enough sense to lock him in the book, but, unfortunately, NOT enough to put a note on the door, or something, that would tell people NOT to open it and why. But, he’s not a killer. Which he probably got from Merlin. Which is probably why he hadn’t destroyed the Dark One yet. Huh…

And writing the Dark One out of the story wouldn’t have helped? No. That would change a LOT of history. I wonder if Isaac realized that when Regina wanted him to write Zelena out of the story? It, basically, would have changed time like Zelena wanted to do before! By writing Zelena out of the story, Cora wouldn’t have gotten pregnant and she would have married Snow’s dad without any interference. Whether or not Zelena would have been conceived again is another matter, but writing Zelena out of the story would change history. For better or worse. Not that Isaac would have cared. He just likes to manipulate tings for his amusement. Just like Rumple. Kinda glad they didn’t stay buddies…

Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always gotten there first and is waiting for it. -Terry Pratchett


The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes. -Kingdom Hearts

Life is a balancing act. Not necessarily good and evil, but definitely right and wrong.

20150309- Game Switch!

20150309 [17:56] Monday

I don’t know how may days its been since I wrote in here. All I know is that I lost The Iron Bull’s Chargers that day. I love those guys… so damn useful…

I suddenly got the impulse to play Mass Effect. Problem? I don’t remember the controls. 😛

About to write them down:

Mass Effect


WHERE ARE THE LAST TWO KEEPERS! There are a LOT of Side Quests in Mass Effect, but THAT one is the most infuriating! I have found 19 out of the 21! UGH!

But the fact that I can talk to a bunch of people, random ones at that, and get a quest! SHIT! THAT is amazing! I just saved a girl named Jenna from a terrible C.I. position! She could have gotten killed! My least favorite part of the day was letting a terrorist go, but I didn’t want to attack and risk [22:07] losing the hostages. Granted, I had 10 minutes to disarm all the chargers, but I didn’t know that at the time. I’m gonna kill him my next playthrough. And I need to figure out THIS playthrough why Garrus keeps dying. And remember the controls. And what level I’m on because I think I leveled up 3-4 times today.

Going from Inquisition to Mass Effect was weird. Going from a semi-linear plot line to a more Skyrim type thing was interesting. Inquisition is like Skyrim in terms of exploration, but there are only so many Side Quests you can do before you have to continue the plot. That’s not how it is in Skyrim and it feels like it isn’t in Mass Effect. And I am being REALLY nice in Mass Effect! I let the terrorist go. Damn. I should have continued the conversation and seen if I could talk him down. Maybe I’ll do THAT my next playthrough. If it doesn’t work, he’s dead. Win-win.

Benadryl has kicked in. Bed time.


20150220- I love words!

20150220 [14:49] Friday

What is my Dragon Name?

Yellow Wing The Cruel. That is cruel considering I hate the color yellow.


Jan 08– fritter: [frit-er]


  1. to squander or dispense piecemeal; waste little by little (usually followed by “away)
  2. to break or tear into small pieces or shreds
  3. to dwindle, shrink, degenerate, etc. (often followed by “away”)
  4. to seperate or break into fragments


  1. a small piece, fragment or shred

Origin: Fritter is most likely a variation of the earlier word fitter, which refers to a fragment or piece. It has been used in English since the 1720s.


Jan 07– cogitation: noun [koj-i-tey-shuh n]

  1. concerted thought or reflection; meditation; contemplation
  2. the faculty of thinking
  3. a thought; design or plan

Origin: Cogitation is derived from the Middle English word cogitaciun. The suffix -ion denotes action or conditions, as in opinion.

Jan 06– sororal: adjective [suh-rawr-uh l, -rohr-]

  1. of, relating to, or characteristic of a sister or sisters; sisterly.

Origin: Sororal stems from the Latin word soror meaning “sister”.

Jan 05– rallentando: adjective [rah-luh n-tahn-doh]

  1. slackening; becoming slower (used as a musical direction)

Origin: Rallentundo is the Italian gerund of the word rallentane, which means “to slow down”.

Jan 04– gleed: noun [gleed]

  1. Archaic. a glowing coal.

Origin: Gleed entered English before 950 and is related to the more common word glow.

Jan 03– niveous: adjective [niv-ee-uh s]

  1. resembling snow, especially in whiteness; snowy

Origin: Niveous stems from the Latin root nix, meaning “snow”. -Eous is an adjectival suffix denoting that something has the nature of the stem.


Jan 02– remunerative: adjective[ri-myoo-ner-uh-tiv]

  1. affording remuneration; profitable
  2. that remunerates

Origin: Remunerative comes from the verb remunerate, which in turn stems from the Latin verb remunerári, meaning “to repay”.

Jan 01– incunabula: noun [in-kyoo-nab-yuh-luh, ing-]

  1. the earliest stages or first traces of anything
  2. extant copies of books produced in the earliest stages (before 1501) of printing from movable type.

Origin: Incunabula is derived from the Latin word of the same spelling which referred to an infant’s swaddling clothes. It entered English in the 1820s.


I didn’t get the job at the Dons’. Dammit. Just like with the Robeks, I wanted this job. Fuck.


Dec 13– flapdragon: noun [flap-drag- uh n]

  1. an old game in which the players snatch raisins, plums, etc., out of burning brandy, and eat them.
  2. the object so caught and eaten

Origin: Flapdragon entered English in the late


I’m about to lose the Chargers