20150202

[10:35]

Boston Market opens in 25 minutes. First thing I thought of when I looked at the clock.

It’s too cold to walk anywhere. Dammit.

Drinking my second cup of coffee. Yay!

Got Criminal Minds on pause, S5:E16, while listening to music. Couldn’t tell you why. Also couldn’t tell you why my hands are sweaty. Kinda annoying. Suddenly paused the music and restarted Criminal Minds. Damn…

[11:28]

Got the fucking talk from dad again. I don’t think he noticed that I didn’t wanna hear it. Again. Way to ruin my morning.

What happened to “unsolicited opinions do nothing but piss people off”?

Jupiter Ascending. The trailer was playing on the telly while dad was speaking.

[19:40]

Why am I about to cry over a fucking television show? Good character development, that’s why.

First Giddeon leaves and now J.J. is called in my the pentagon. The fuck is that? Making people care about the characters and then making them leave. Wait, forgot about Haley. Probably because I wasn’t invested in her until her life was in danger so, by that point, I was kinda emotionally numb. I was reacting more to the possibility of Jack being in danger, but that was because he’s a kid. I’ve always related more to kids.

Reid, why did you cut your hair? Because it was probably out of the actor’s control. Probably.

[20:07]

The only notable things to write down today are the Criminal Minds episodes. That and typing up my journal entries. Again. I didn’t remember writing them. Still don’t, actually. And I just looked back at the 30th. I remember bits and pieces. Not sure whether or not my taking a benedryl at 8 had anything to do with it, but I’m hoping.

I posted to my Become Empowered blog for the first time in exactly a month. How the hell did I manage that? Impulse? I posted about “Unusual Facts” that were on my FB wall. I use it mainly for those purposes. I have followed a bunch of inspirational and educational pages. I share the interesting stuff.

A group of owls is called a parliament.
The highest scoring soccer game was 149-0.
During pregnancy, if an organ is damaged, the baby sends stem cells to fix the damage.
Chocolate has a chemical in it that induces love.

All those were from “Unusual Facts”. I feel like I’m missing one, but that’s okay. I’ll check the blog later.

I didn’t eat much all day. I had 2 cups of coffee, wasted a third, a pop-tart, a can of coke zero and two hot dogs. Could be why I have a headache. I’ve been drinking water most of the day, but that doesn’t help seeing as how I’m not in the habit of drinking water all day.

I’m trying to cancel my gamingjobsonline.com account. I asked them about it. They haven’t contacted me. Nor has the publishing company. I’m at a bit of a loss.

The only reason why I got the job at Boston Market was because they didn’t put me through a formal interview. I went in and they asked me when I could start. I applied to Robeks, went through the interview and didn’t get the job. And I actually wanted that one. I applied to the Giant and they never called me. Or, if they did, I ignored them because I didn’t recognize the number. Fuck.

[20:40]

But, even then, with the rate I’ve been going at failed interviews, I need a job from home. But in order to get said job I would probably have to go through the damn interview process. Which is so damn STUPID!

Why don’t they let people do the job for a couple of weeks to a month and then pick whichever person does the best work? That way the people who DON’T get the job can have a little money in their pocket while they search for another job. Just because someone does well in the interview doesn’t mean they will do well at the job!

My mom keeps going at me to take interpersonal communication courses. The fuck does that even mean? “Interpersonal” means “of or pertaining to the relations between persons”, so does that mean I don’t know how to relate to people? I beg to differ. People don’t know how to relate to me.

If I don’t feel like dealing with people, it shows. I can’t hide that. I’ve never been able to. That’s what happens when your entire life you’ve been told, “All you have is your word. You break that, you have nothing”. Communicating with people is only an issue over the phone because I can’t see their faces. People can hide how they feel with their voices. Body language gives people away.

I applied at GameStop. Interviewed. Didn’t get it. Knew I wouldn’t.

I applied to Panera Bread. Interviewed. Didn’t get it. Knew I wouldn’t.

Mom accused me of doing it on purpose. Great support, bitch. I move in with my dad and I get a job in a couple of weeks. Granted, no interview, but that still says something. The area you’re in has something to do with it.

[21:10]

Took a quick look at my LinkedIn profile. Made a few changes. Unfortunately, if I want to make anymore, I’ll have to go to the website.

[22:16]

Made some adjustments to LinkedIn and tried to cancel with gamingjobsonline. Haven’t been able to get in contact with anyone. Will try again tomorrow. Now, before I go to bed:

Quote of an evening:

I think a hero is any person really intent on making this a better place for all people.

-Maya Angelou

20150111

[20:23]

I just finished reading the BEST theory about Solas EVER! Him being the Dread Wolf was a shock, but it didn’t really bother me. Granted, lore painted him out to be an asshole, but he was so damn nice! And helpful! And kept me sane! But the theory went even deeper into his “betrayal” of the Elven gods. They were horrible, so he locked them away. He did that to restore peace, but it backfired. The elves were enslaved, they lost their culture, some wander, some live in slums. And the Dread Wolf being a god of “rebellion” explains why he approves of the “Red Jennies“. The theory “spoiled” that for me. I didn’t have Sera and Solas in the same party very often during my first playthrough. I was a rogue, so I saw no need to have Sera in the party, but she was fun to talk to!

But the theory blew me away when it went into the parallel between the Elven gods the Dread Wolf locked away and the Old Tevinter Gods the Maker locked away. What if the Grey Wardens are destroying the Elven/Old Gods Solas/Dread Wolf locked away? THAT would explain why he hates them so much! The theory also went into detail about Arlathan saying it was the Golden/Black City locked away. That one I didn’t really buy. Solas being the Maker? Eh. I’d have to read more of the theories for that, but, now that I’m thinking about it, that is interesting.

Fen’Harel as the Maker?

The Maker locked away the Old Gods like Fen’Harel locked away the Elven gods, minus Mythal who is now Flemeth.

Damn.

Makes my story, the one I was thinking about writing recently, look like a children’s story. Shit. And I wanted to talk more about Selma today.

Selma pissed me off. That’s probably why my brain keeps shifting towards DA: Inquisition. Coping mechanism. Doesn’t help me deal with what I’m feeling, it just buries them.

Selma needs to be shown in schools along with 12 Years a Slave. Black History isn’t taught correctly in schools. It needs to be elaborated. Lets throw Malcolm X in there, too. All three need to be shown in schools, but I can’t decide which one pangs me the most.

The FBI was tracking Martin Luther King Jr. like a wolf pack. They showed some of the logs in the movie. Watching the real footage of what was happening in Selma was… aggrivating. Revolting. Horrifying.

My brain is trying to switch to Inquisition again. I keep seeing scenes concerning Solas. I’m analyzing his facial expressions as I try to recall footage of Selma.

Oh. Parallels.

The elves of Thedas are very much like the negroes of America. Blacks. African Americans. I personally don’t care. The point is, both the elves and the blacks were enslaved. So were the “Native Americans” for that matter. The elves, the blacks and the natives all fought back. The natives lost the fight and were forced onto reservations. The elves were forced into alienages. The blacks, ghettos. Some of the elves became Dalish, wanderers who refuse to submit and keepers of the lost lore. As much as they can find, anyway.

Minorities. Being treated like nothing. Being told the lie that because they are white, or human, that they are superior. In Inquisition, simply being an elf when you go to the Winter Palace in Halamshiral loses you favor.

And now I’m stuck. Not sure where to continue from there anymore, but I want to write. I feel like writing a fanfiction, actually. Tie up some holes in the Once Upon A Time television series. One character would clear that right on up! And maybe make some more holes, but they could very easily be filled up if I write it correctly.

[21:39]

As much as I love Solas/Dread Wolf theories, I also love Cullen. A…

I’m doing it again. Well… then again, maybe not. I ran out of things to say about the history parallel and the Solas/Dread Wolf thing. And I couldn’t go any further into my fanfiction plan without giving it away.

And… I’m stuck again. Haha!

Oh. Wait. I took benadryl at 20:19. Haha!

Bed time!

[21:42]

20150110

[22:35]

I saw the movie Selma, today. At 1. Gave me something to think about. Don’t remember much before going, but I remember after. Somewhat. I started writing AFTER taking a benadryl again. Inquisition keeps on being enticing.

My mind keeps going back and forth on what to write about. Selma or Inquisition. On the one hand, I would love to write about one of the most important people in American history. On the other, I would like to talk about a video game that is making history. It has already won awards.

I will say one thing, however. I like where Brad Pitt is going. First with 12 Years a Slave and now Selma. He’s doing right by us.

[22:43]

20150109

[21:56]

I started typing up my journal entries and posting them to my blog. As I was typing them up, I came to the realization that I don’t remember writing any of them. Which means I’ll probably forget this one.

I also forgot that I beat Inquisition yesterday. I didn’t forget beating the game. I just forgot when. I started another character today. A brown-red headed warrior woman and, I must say, I love being a warrior! I’m trying to build Cassandra a bit differently from me to keep things interesting. Solas, too, for that matter. Haven’t gone after any dragons yet, nor have I progressed enough in the story to recruit new party members.

Ugh… I really need to end my forming habit of fighting the benedryl. That could very well be why I’m having trouble sleeping. My body is fighting it. Maybe I should get some DayQuil or something? Thankfully, I don’t work this weekend.

I’ll finish typing the stuff up tomorrow. Before or after Selma, not sure when since I don’t know when we’re going to see the movie. Watching CSI: NY right now. I’ll finish that before I go to sleep. On season one episode three. Loving it!

I didn’t end last night with ANYTHING positive! Let me end with a reminder:

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” –The Help

Repo! The Genetic Opera – Let the Monster Rise

Uploaded on Jan 9, 2012

This is one of my FAVORITE movies, Repo! The Genetic Opera. In this post, I have it set up to play the videos I have in my “Repo! The Genetic Opera” playlist.

Lyrics to Let the Monster Rise:
Nathan:
Didn’t I tell you not to go out, didn’t I?

Shilo:
You did, you did…

Nathan:
Didn’t I say the world was cruel, didn’t I?

Shilo:
You did, you did…

Nathan:
Then tell me how this happened
What I did wrong, tell me why
Can’t we just go home, Shi,
And forget this dreadful night?

Shilo:
Didn’t you say that you were different, didn’t you?

Nathan:
I am, I am

Shilo:
Say you aren’t that person, say it

Nathan:
I am, I am!

Shilo:
Then tell me how to act, Dad,
What to say, Dad,
Tell me why!
All you’ve ever told me, every word,
Is a lie!
Didn’t you say that you’d protect me, didn’t you?

Nathan:
I tried, I tried…

Shilo:
Is that how you’d help me, is it?

Nathan:
I tried, I tried!

Shilo:
Don’t help me anymore, Dad,
You are dead, Dad,
In my eyes.
Someone has replaced you
Dad, I hate you,
Go and die!

Nathan:
Didn’t I build a house, a home, didn’t I?
(You did, you did! )
Didn’t I raise her all alone, didn’t I?
(You did, you did! )
Then Rotti took her from me,
Stole my Shilo, he’s to blame!
Have I failed my daughter?
Then let the father die!
And LET THE MONSTER RISE!

The face I make…